Sex and Dating

Will there ever be a boy born, who can swim faster than a shark

gareth-keenan-BBC-the-office-featured

gareth-keenanWe’re used to some pretty fucked up stuff here at the After Party and it’s been known for some of our colleagues to cosy up to the likes of goats in the past. Nothing prepared us for the latest out of Texas where Andrew Mendoza, 29-years-old, was given four months behind bars after confessing that he “messed” with a neighbour’s horse.

The story goes that he got pissed at his girlfriend for not calling him and, like many of the male species, thoughts of how to get back at her were at the forefront of his mind.

He didn’t go out on cheat on her with the first piece of skirt he could find – unless you count skirt steak. No, he literally went for the first living thing he could find, which just happened to be next door’s horse, and proceeded to get down to it in the hope of creating a “horse-man baby”. This got us thinking, like only a man giving a horse a few inches of their best can, and we decided to try and figure what would be the ultimate animal-human cross-over baby, or is the horse-man the number one?

Here are the conclusions we came to:

Mermaids should be a lot more common than they are right now

Seriously. How could we go through a compliation of human/animal crossover without including mermaids?

Every man worth his weight has had a dream where they once got with a really hot girl with no legs but a tail. We’re guessing that getting anything apart from some mouth action is fairly problematic and we haven’t yet met anyone that’s managed to “mess” with a Mermaid.

What, you have?

We direct you to the comments box at the base of the page.

Can a boy swim faster than a shark?

Gareth Keenan once posed the question in The Office: “Will there ever be a boy born, who can swim faster than a shark?” For his benefit we think that a Boy/Shark combo would be something to see. It would be some way to impress your drinkin’ buddies and you can be sure if the guy ever got bullied at school they’d definitely hold their own. Only thing might be that their first kiss will be a little bit tricky. Apart from that we can’t see any reason why humans shouldn’t mate with sharks.

Teaching Man how to fly would be easy if we simply allowed them to breed with Eagles

We reckon you’re lying if you say you’ve never wanted to be able to glide through the air like a bird of pray. This would make air travel a thing of the past and obesity epidemics affecting developed countries would be banished as ancient history. Add this to the fact that it will almost entirely eliminate fox hunting by giving any hunters a chance to breed just so that future generations of their families’ will be able to hunt as Eagles. Add this to the fact that Eagles are fucking cool. So why not?

It’s safe to say if breeding between animals and humans was allowed the opportunities would be endless.

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