Sex is awesome. That much we can all agree on. But on the occasions where physical contact is rendered impossible by geographic distance, technology has given birth to sexting, a way where we can still enjoy sexual satisfaction with somebody despite not being in the same room, city, or country as that person. Sexting is a great way to spruce up your sex life when used in the right context. In the wrong context, sexting can be grounds for sexual harassment. Fortunately, we’re here to give you some tips on how, through sexting, you can achieve optimum satisfaction with minimal liability.
Consider this your own virtual Hammurabi’s Code to safe sexting. Thank us later.
Before you try to hit that ‘send’ button, you need to be wary of a few things. Be sure that the person you plan on sending photos of your ding dong to is the type that’s down for activities like that. If you can secure a signed waiver, then all the better. But if you don’t know a whole lot about this person, be sure that this person can just laugh off your virtual advancements. Don’t let your libido do all the talking. Take the time to understand that if you bark up the wrong tree, you might see your sext find its way as a print screen on Facebook, or worse as evidence in a sexual harassment lawsuit.
Slowly but surely
If you’re confident that your sext partner won’t throw a fit the second you suggest she tastes as sweet as peanut butter, be sure to ease into the sexting. Rushing into the meaty sexts will not only ruin the mood, but it could turn off your partner who probably was expecting some light flirting first. Save the specifics of how you plan to ravage her for future sexts; set the mood first and give her something to look forward to.
Fortunately, your partner won’t notice if you’re a nervous wreck. That’s the beauty of sexting; the technological divide is wide enough that your partner won’t pick up any hint of nerves from your part. On the flip side, though, she might start noticing it if your sexts become too incoherent to understand. You wouldn’t want to be that dude who tells her how sexvy she loks wit lets farbic on her buddy. Stay calm and relax.
Take the time to express your thoughts
Since there’s no actual physical contact involved here, the only way to turn on your partner is to be creative with your sexts. If possible, leave out the acronyms and the text lingo because if she can’t understand what you’re saying, she might lose interest and stop replying altogether, leaving you high and regrettably dry for the rest of the night. Paint a picture for her by creating a scene that she can play along to. But don’t get too carried away with the creativity. It’s always better to stay in touch with real life scenarios as opposed to trying to convince her you’re Tarzan and she’s Jane.
Wait for the right time to send a photo
Ideally, we won’t advice you to send photos of your actual spatula, but if you think that it’ll make her start dripping like a faucet, then by all means, ‘click’ and ‘send’ away. Exercise some caution, though. if you’re really bent on showing your partner your weapon of mass destruction, be sure to send one that’ll make her go ‘wow’ instead of ‘yikes’. If you’ve got one the size of Mini Me’s leg, you’re fine. But if you got a prune in there, it might be better if you just find a porn video, print screen at the right second, and send that one over. They probably wouldn’t notice it anyway. And if they ask why it’s grainy? Camera phone!
Stay On The Same Wavelength
Once you’re in deep with the sexts, don’t rush to the climax just because you’re about to explode. Be sensitive enough to know how far along you’re partner is. If she’s still into the foreplay and you’re already stroking like your life depended on it, settle down. Don’t get too far ahead. Be sure you’re in the same level of eroticism, and when she starts telling you that she’s working her fingers furiously, that’s your cue to start working yours.
Clean it up
As soon as you’ve satisfied yourself and your partner, remove any and all hints of evidence from your phone. We live in a world where friends, family, and co-workers can just grab your device without permission to either take photos, check movie schedules, or worst of all, text someone. If you’re messages are still there and the last one reads “thanks for getting my sheets all wet”, then you’re courting their curiosity, which more often than not leads to them reading the entire sext exchange from beginning to end. Cover all the bases after swatting that ball out of the park.