Sex and Dating

How to end a night out in all corners of the world


dodgy kebabWe all know the feeling. You get towards the end of a night out and you get that pang when all you want is food. Nothing gourmet-like. It has to be greasy, preferably with some kind of meat you probably wouldn’t touch when sober and just the tiniest bit of greenery to make you feel less guilty. Given the fact everyone around the world tends to compare the nightlife of certain cities we decided that it would be apt we compare the culinary delights that the early hours have to offer. Accept our apologies now if we’ve missed out your infamous favorite and we invite you to let us know your number one in the comments below.

We’ll start off with the binge-drinkin’ capital of the world…drum roll…the United Kingdom. Thanks to the primal instincts kicking in at all times of the day there are no shortage of eateries to serve up the masses. We’ll start off with a gem of a place in the depths of East London that serves up cheap nosh all night long. Anyone that finds themselves on Brick Lane can identify with the yellow signage of the street’s famous bagel eatery that serves up Salt Beef in a roll that has you ordering three bottles of water to offset the sodium explosion. On the dirt scale it’s a distant second to the selection that is sure to be dirtier than anything you’ve ever seen in the Amsterdam Red Light District – a Lamb Doner Kebab.

It might have originated elsewhere but the British post-night-out staple is a winner for all the wrong reasons. It has the meat, if you can call it that, which is a mish mash off all the bad parts of the baby sheep. The stale pitta that cost 0.0001p at cost price, and to polish it off the obligatory “salad”. Chili Sauce Sir? You’ll need it.

huge slice pizzaIf you took a flight to North America then you find a very different type of cuisine though. Canada’s entry is firmly beaten in the meat steaks but what Poutine lacks in meat it more than makes up for in the sauce and dairy stakes. Montreal is Canada’s city that never sleeps and if you want poutine this is the place to come. Natives tell us that La Banquise is the city’s best and their 25 varieties are served all night long (cue Lionel Richie solo). The good news is they even serve it with meat and the calorific Poutine “3 amigos” is the one to go for. Hot dog sausage, pork sausage, beef sausage and merguez sausage has more pork than an abattoir without an ounce of salad in sight.

In terms of the good ole U S of A you can tell by the size of certain parts of the population that late night food is devoured with ample enthusiasm and it’s no surprise that the staple dish is either a nice greasy slice of cheese pizza. The delicious artificially packed selection weighs in at a MAHOOSIVE 1,309 calories at some eateries and will satisfy the most oversized of late night appetites.

A selection of filthy night out eats wouldn’t be complete without something unpalatable from the Philippines. Balut was described as “shocking” by the person that suggested it to me and the Wikipedia in itself is vomit-inducing when you find out what it actually is – bird embryo in shell with choice of marinade. We doff our hat to anyone that’s taken the plunge and tried it and you’ll be following in the footsteps of Calvin too. We’d recommend it as a hangover cure. If only for the fact it’ll have you heaving before you’ve even eaten it.



So there you have it. The definitive night out foods that we “recommend” you try at least once. If you can think of anything we’ve missed off let us know! Otherwise just remember when you get to the end of the night in the Philippines and are given an egg you know what to do!

  • rachniff.fred

    as far as we know it, the Russians are the number 1 when it comes to alcoholic-beverages consumption… They just love their vodka and its fuckin cold!

  • David

    Hahaha! This is short of the ancient 18th amendment of the US constitution. But I think it's not about the beverage, it's about the person. I can get drunk all the time, but I can still choose not to hurt anyone (including myself) or so.

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